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Unravelling Anxious Attachment: Exploring its Development and Impact on Relationships

Updated: Feb 7


In the realm of psychology, attachment theory provides valuable insights into our interpersonal relationships and emotional well-being. One particular attachment style that comes up frequently in my sessions with clients is anxious attachment. This blog post aims to explain what anxious attachment is, shed light on its development, and explore its impact on relationships.





What is Anxious Attachment?

Anxious attachment refers to a particular way in which individuals form and maintain emotional bonds with others, typically in close relationships. People with an anxious attachment style tend to crave closeness and reassurance from their partners, often experiencing heightened levels of anxiety and fear regarding the stability and availability of love and support. They may also exhibit a tendency to seek constant validation and reassurance, fearing rejection or abandonment.


Development of Anxious Attachment:

The development of attachment styles, including anxious attachment, can be traced back to early childhood experiences. The quality of the interactions and emotional responsiveness received from primary caregivers play a crucial role in shaping an individual's attachment style.


1. Inconsistent Caregiving: Anxious attachment often arises from inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving during childhood. Caregivers who were inconsistently available, emotionally unpredictable, or unresponsive to their child's needs may lead the child to develop an anxious attachment style.


2. Traumatic Experiences: Traumatic events such as loss, separation, or abuse can also contribute to the development of anxious attachment. These experiences can create a heightened sense of insecurity, making individuals more prone to seeking constant reassurance and fearing rejection.


3. Overprotective Parenting: Overprotective or controlling parenting styles can inadvertently foster an anxious attachment style. When parents are excessively overbearing or restrict a child's autonomy, the child may develop a sense of anxiety and insecurity, leading to an anxious attachment style in adulthood.


Impact on Relationships:

Anxious attachment can significantly impact various aspects of adult relationships:


1. Need for Reassurance: Individuals with an anxious attachment style often seek constant reassurance from their partners. They may require frequent validation of love and fear rejection, leading to clinginess, possessiveness, and an excessive need for closeness.


2. Fear of Abandonment: The fear of abandonment is a core aspect of anxious attachment. Individuals may have an overwhelming fear that their partners will leave them, even when there is no evidence to support such fears. This fear can lead to heightened jealousy, emotional volatility, and an incessant need for proximity.


3. Dependency on Others: Those with an anxious attachment style tend to rely heavily on their partners for emotional stability and self-worth. They may struggle with self-soothing and feel incomplete without constant affirmation and support, which can strain relationships.


4. Cycle of Reassurance-Seeking: Anxious attachment can create a repetitive cycle of seeking reassurance, displaying anxious behaviors, and causing tension in relationships. This cycle often places strain on both partners, leading to frustration and potential conflicts.


Cultivating Secure Attachment:

While anxious attachment patterns may seem challenging, it's important to note that attachment styles can be fluid and changeable. Individuals with an anxious attachment style can work towards cultivating a more secure attachment style:


1. Self-Awareness: Recognize your attachment style and its impact on your relationships. You can do this yourself by learning more about your attachment style - Understanding your triggers and insecurities is the first step towards change. A good book on this I can recommend is “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.


2. Communication: Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Share your needs, fears, and concerns, and work together to create a secure and supportive environment.


3. Boundaries and Autonomy: Foster a sense of personal autonomy and establish healthy boundaries. Learning to self-soothe and develop individual interests and hobbies can reduce dependency on partners.


4. Heal your attachment style through therapy: Asides from expanding your awareness of your anxious attachment in therapy it also provides the opportunity to heal through the relationship with your therapist. If you would like me to write more about this point (or anything else I touched upon in this post) let me know in the comments!


#psychotherapy north london #psychosyntheis psychotherapist #holistic psychotherapy #emotional health therapy #psychosynthesis london

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